Lost finale party, May 23, 2010. We are dorks.



"My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?" — David Mitchell
Two more photos from my “who are the people in your neighborhood” series. Now that spring is moving on to summer it seems that LA is becoming slightly less attractive to the wild animal population, so these might be the last photos until the critters return in the fall.


Two weekends ago Aaron and I met in Phoenix to hike the Grand Canyon. After making the acquaintance of the poop-eating dog and watching a stranger blow up Aaron’s ego by telling her friend “Look, it’s Chris Daughtry” we headed north to the park. My all-time record for rim-to-river-and-back hikes stood at something like 4-2 when we started (hiking in the heat is not my strong point), but we set off on the 16-mile round-trip with tons of Gatorade and confidence brimming.
Before continuing the story, for anyone visiting the Grand Canyon don’t try to hike down and back in a single day. The park warns against doing this hike for a reason, but Aaron and I are both in pretty good physical condition, and more relevant, we’re both stupid people.
The route we chose took us down the Kaibob Trail to the Colorado River and then along the river before we started back up the Bright Angel trail. This is where things got interesting. Nature decided that ascending five thousand vertical feet wasn’t enough of a challenge, so she threw temperatures at us that were twenty degrees above normal. Hiking through the desert, uphill, when it’s 105 degrees in the sun isn’t an ideal scenario for someone who likes to vacation in Alaska and the Antarctic. Aaron and I were both suffering by the time we got back to the top, but sadly I was the one in worse shape. Despite having to stop frequently to rest my spasming quads this one will go into the books as a draw, which puts the current all-time record at 4-2-1. Next time, however, we’ll go in March when it’s guaranteed to be cooler, hike it twice, and put two more ticks in the win column.





I’m off to Arizona to go hiking in the Grand Canyon with Aaron, but before I head off there are two items from the past month that need recording:
First, the final standings in the NCAA basketball tournament pool. After the disastrous 2006 showing I had nowhere to go but up, and despite a somewhat terrifying late charge by Audrey (who chose Duke because it sounded like a tough name, as in “put your dukes up”) the final standings were as follows:
Second, after living full-time in LA for five years the payoff finally came: Audrey took me, her friend Lauren, and Lauren’s boyfriend Neil to the invitation-only Magic Castle in Hollywood. Her friend Lou Serrano is a magician, and getting in requires an invitation from a club member, so this one has been a hard night out to schedule. For anyone not already in awe of the place based solely on the fact that it’s called the “Magic Castle”, the night was very much like it sounds: there is a strict dress code (jacket and tie), you eat a nice dinner, and then you’re free to explore a castle-like building with roaming magicians and several theaters ranging in size from 20 to 200 seats. Yeah, I know, pretty much what every person on the planet has dreamed of since they were two years old.
Apparently the Magic Castle is something like a Hall of Fame for magicians, and being asked to perform is a pretty big honor, so the quality of magic was unreal – Lou was talking to us after his show, and during the conversation handed me five singles, and literally when I handed them back they were hundreds. Not a clue how it happened, although my operating theory is that he can stop time, take out his wallet, switch the bills, and then start time up again. On another occasion we were waiting in line to get into a show and a roaming magician did a card trick where he shuffled a deck, pulled out ten random cards, and the numbers on the cards corresponded to the cell phone number of the guy watching the trick. Again, no clue, but my money is on time warps. The evening ended well after midnight with the Japanese guy from Heroes snaking me in the valet line, but the joke was on him when my car still showed up first. Yet another memorable Audrey-arranged evening.
Despite being located in the midst of a sprawling megalopolis, our neighborhood is still a pretty good one for nature. The past month in particular has been great for variety, although most of the buggers won’t sit still long enough to allow photographs. While I’ve heard this hawk dozens of times, and seen him several more, tonight was the first night where he was feeling photogenic. The photo below was taken about seventy-five feet from our front door.

It’s been far too long since the camera has been out of its case, so below are today’s results from putting a mediocre photographer in a pretty neighborhood with a giant lens:




Here are the bracket prediction standings after the first day of the NCAA Tournament:
Barry and I were tied until Wake Forest hit a last-second shot over Texas, meanwhile Lebron can start making up lost ground on both of us if fourth-ranked Purdue beats 13th-ranked Siena tomorrow.
I convinced Audrey, who watches no sports whatsoever, to fill out a bracket, and she currently has 80 points, tying her with legendary basketball analyst Dick Vitale (overall rank: 13.2%) despite the fact her rationale for making picks included “I have a cousin named Siena” and “Wofford is a really funny name for a college”. If she beats me the shame will not be bearable.
Since putting a bird feeder outside several months ago the house has become a bit of a Disney movie – finches gather by the dozen, ducks hang out looking for spilled seeds, and increasingly-round squirrels discover surprising ways of invading the feeder. After our third feeder became a victim of the squirrels – they somehow managed to chew off a metal perch – the sad decision was made to move to a more squirrel-proof feeder. The Squirrel Buster 9000 arrived a few days ago, and this picture (by Audrey) does a decent job of capturing the frustration of our furry little friends.

Many moons ago Audrey and I were watching one of those odd shows on Discovery Channel – the ones that follow documentaries like “Impaled!” – and they had a bit about a restaurant where you eat in complete pitch darkness with a waiter who is legally blind. While, in the past, I have disparaged LA, one of the very good things about this city is that when you see something odd on TV there’s a high probability that it was either filmed here or has since been copied by someone in this vast metropolis. As it turns out, Opaque operates in Santa Monica, and thus it was that for Valentine’s Day 2010 Audrey ate in complete darkness while I secretly stole her silverware and wine glass.
For those willing to spend a lot of money on a meal that you’ll probably end up eating with your hands, there are locations elsewhere including San Francisco. Note that if your date wants you to “dress nice” since it’s a fancy place, bear in mind that you’ll more than likely discover that you’re wearing some of your meal by the time you leave, unless of course you’re a pro like me. Also, relax your eyes as soon as you sit down; it’s too dark to see anything, and after a half hour I was getting a headache from inadvertently trying to focus. Finally, careful when reaching for the bread bowl – there’s a cup of butter in the middle of it. Here’s a YouTube video that somewhat captures the experience.
There haven’t been any pictures posted in a while. Here are three favorites.
After a truly dreadful job of making predictions for 2009, here’s the 2010 version. A psychic I’m clearly not, but they say even a monkey at a typewriter would eventually bang out a beautiful sonnet if he stuck with it long enough, so here goes:
Check back this time next year to mock me for being completely wrong about all things 2010. For those who can’t wait a year to begin the mocking, the comments link below is there for your immediate gratification.
About one year ago I made some predictions for 2009, first because it seemed like it might be fun if I got any right, and second because it seemed like it might be amusing how wrong I would inevitably be. Here’s the scorecard:
The year closed at about 10,400 after opening around 9,000 and hitting a low of around 6,600, so this scores as one of my few correct predictions.
Failed that one. No one ever accused me of being a smart man.
Failed again. Too bad, national parks are good things.
The whale trip was a pretty big deal, but not on the scale of something like South Georgia. Half points for this one.
Chrysler was split up and is now sort of part of Fiat, so let’s say that’s three out of four. Not bad.
Oops. I still like him.
Nope.
Didn’t get the dorky prediction either.
Along with AC/DC these guys are all iTunes no-shows. The prediction batting average continues to drop…
There were six additional months of delay for the 787. The prediction game is clearly not one of my talents…
Five wins for the Browns. That is a terribly small number.
Tesla is going strong, which is great. There’s been no recent updates on the Model S, but 2011 seems likely. I finally get another prediction right.
I made it through the full year before moving on to greener pastures, and since I’m doing the scoring that one counts as a correct prediction.
They made a deal with Microsoft, but it wasn’t a merger. Didn’t get that one.
He got third; I was half right.
Clearly I’m bad at more than just making predictions.
It was fun making the (wrong) guesses. Predictions for 2010 will follow soon.
New year, new format for the journal. I think everything got converted over properly, although work still needs to be done to group together old trip journals and update links – if anyone notices any issues please leave a comment pointing out whatever obvious blunder has been made. With luck it should now be easier to make at least two posts a month, but that remains to be seen…
December was an extremely eventful month, although sadly I failed completely in capturing everything in a timely manner…
Vegas, Dave, Tim, and Audrey
The first weekend of the month saw Audrey and I off to Vegas to see Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds, something that I would do on a weekly basis if possible. Tim Reynolds did some utterly ridiculous things with a guitar – I don’t know what an echoplex is, but it is clearly awesome. Dave started the concert by revealing that any bubbling noises were not a stylistic choice but were instead the result of mucous, and followed that up with a discussion of how Las Vegas is a weird place and proof that something has gone off kilter in the human evolutionary chain. They played for three hours, and afterwards Audrey and I returned home happy despite making the acquaintance of a drunk woman who decided that pressing every button in the elevator would be terrific comedy.
So Long and Thanks for All the Fish
December 23 saw an end to my tenure at DIRECTV after three years and nineteen days. My co-workers there were a lot of fun and the work was interesting, but it was time to move on to new things. I had expected a lengthy retirement, but a new offer came along that may be too good to pass up, and, being a fan of things like eating and paying rent, it looks like I’ll be working from home starting January 11.
Holliday Family Christmas
Christmas came up fast this year, and while I managed the gold in getting Audrey a membership to Zingerman’s bacon-of-the-month club, I failed utterly with everyone else’s gifts and headed to San Francisco with only gift certificates. Sally came through with “Holliday Family Recipe” books for Aaron and I, and a two hour game of Quiddler ended with disastrous results. Aaron, Ryan Sutherland and I also started coming up with bizarre “what if” scenarios at some point during the trip, and people’s answers made for revealing insights into what was most important to each individual:
There were many more, but not all of them were appropriate for a public web site. Needless to say, Ma & Pa weren’t huge fans, but everyone else involved seemed to enjoy the thought-exercise.
After four days at home Aaron and I were getting a bit stir-crazy so we headed out to a fancy hotel in Avila Beach, ten miles outside of San Luis Obispo. Apparently the place caters almost exclusively to couples, so the lady at the desk gave us a funny look when we checked in, but at this point we’re pretty used to embarassment and it was well worth it to have a jacuzzi in the room and a wine reception in the lobby.
My two-entries-a-month goal has failed miserably. Here’s the summary for November:
Thanksgiving in the Bay Area was filled with the usual uncontrollable laughter, including the revelation that the Skipper and Aaron once had a pickle-eating contest that ended disastrously. Audrey joined us for the first time this year and confessed to a sore stomach after the multi-hour laughfest. Even Ryan Sutherland got in on the act, filling us all in on the Infomercial marketing wonder that is Booty Pops. In less interesting news the latest major version of JAMWiki was released on November 3, and surprisingly there haven’t been any reports that it caused some poor user’s computer to burst into flaming wreckage. And in news that is in no way related to me, SpaceX may be able to launch their new Falcon 9 rocket as early as next February, although March is probably a safer bet.