Ryan's Journal

"My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?" — David Mitchell

Burbank, California

Posted at 9:35 am, February 28th, 2003

While in a meeting with my boss the other day I was discussing some integration details when suddenly in the background a building quite literally exploded — flames shot out of it, smoke began billowing into the air, and I cut short what I was saying and uttered “holy crap”. The two other people in the meeting turned to the window, then turned to look at me, and my boss said “That’s Universal Studios. It’s probably the Wild, Wild West show. Happens a few times each day.” It’s been a while since I made an ass out of myself in the office, so I guess I was due.

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 10:50 pm, February 26th, 2003

During my lunch break today, not thirty seconds after leaving a spot where filming for ER was going on, my cell phone went off. Luckily I had turned a corner — I was within a hair’s breadth of having the entire cast and crew of ER really ticked off at me. On a positive note, this was the first time I ever got to see them actually filming — normally I just see setup with tons of extras milling around. The most interesting part of the whole thing was the guy who controls the extras walking on the street — for a minute-long shot there must have been thirty extras, and one guy stood to the side triggering each of them to stroll by and enjoy their moment of fame. In a way it was like watching an immensely complex marrionette show, and this scene was small in comparison with something like the “lady in the red dress” scene from the Matrix.

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 9:15 pm, February 25th, 2003

The last few days have again reminded me that if I must be working, I’m very lucky to have the job that I do. Aside from the obvious bonus of working in the midst of a movie studio, most of the work I’m now doing is challenging — a lot of computer work is like building a jigsaw puzzle, and I find it hugely interesting to try and fit all of the pieces together. The analogy fails a bit since puzzles can only be put together in one way, while the same computer system could be built in an infinite number of ways. Due to the many paths one could take, the challenge then becomes looking for the ways to simplify and improve upon the design. Good programming is a process of evolution as excess is stripped away and simplified until what is left is a streamlined, versatile system that is usually flexible enough that it not only solves the obvious problems well, but also handles unusual cases in obvious ways — S.C. Johnson was speaking to the same engineering goal when he said “A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author.”

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 11:30 pm, February 19th, 2003

While going to lunch today three carts filled with people on a studio tour passed me near the soundstage where they film Friends, and it occurred to me that the people on those carts would have been thrilled to be able to trade places with me — on their days off they chose to come to the place where I get to work. Maybe I’m a pathetic fanboy, but it’s pretty damn cool to be able to work in the midst of a movie studio. Yeah, being out amongst the wilds of Alaska would be better, but getting paid while being able to roam movie sets is an alternative that I can live with for a while.

Burbank, California

Posted at 6:45 pm, February 14th, 2003

I’m not the only person who finds LA amusing — from Dave Barry:

URGENT WEST COAST UPDATE

I am (briefly) in Los Angeles, where a HUGE story is breaking: Rain. Yes. It is coming from the sky and landing on the ground, and the TV news people cannot get over the extreme amazing urgency of this. They have reporters in rain slickers all over greater Los Angeles, and they’re all reporting that, no matter where they go, incredible as it sounds, it is raining there too. And even more incredibly, the roads are wet. Some areas are expected to get more than an inch.

I will have updates on this incredible breaking story as developments warrant, or I get really bored.

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 10:45 pm, February 10th, 2003

Before the past year I tried very hard to avoid politics, and tonight I was giving some thought to why it is recent events have made me care so much about the US government. The conclusion is that it boils down to an issue of trust — I would support the government if they could just do the following:

  1. Prove that the current policy of “preemption” is due to a genuine belief that fighting Iraq is the best way to protect America, and that the current stance isn’t being taken for political gain or to benefit the oil industry. Why is Iraq a higher priority than Libya or North Korea, or even peace in Israel? September 11 was a terrible event, and inflicting such a castrophe on another country for anything other than the most serious of reasons would be as heinous a crime as any country could ever commit.
  2. Tone down the arrogance slightly — the insults that are flying at France and Germany right now are not only inappropriate, but often border on ignorant. Additionally, the “if you’re not with us you’re against us” attitude can only divide the world further, rather than make the world a safer place.
  3. Spell out what it is that can be done to avoid war. “Disarm” is far too ambiguous when Iraq may not even have any weapons. Do they need to give access to all of their internal records? Is it enough to have 10,000 inspectors combing the country? There has to be a way to avoid causing death and destruction.

For those who support the President, I’d be genuinely interested in knowing your thoughts. Do you feel that the questions above have been answered, or is it just a matter of supporting the only person who seems to be willing to lead right now? I’ll be the first to admit that there’s no one in the Democratic party who has the courage to stand against public opinion, but the alternative of supporting a man who seems hell-bent on starting a war is an option that leaves me feeling sick.

31,000 feet above Colorado

Posted at 7:40 pm, February 9th, 2003

One of my best friends was married yesterday, and for the first time since 1994 I got to see several of my high school classmates. Even though I hadn’t seen most of them in ten years it was simple to sit down and laugh together again. As teenagers we depended on each other for support, and finding those bonds to still be strong was a deeply comforting experience. However, despite the fact that we could still see each other in the same light, watching Sarina get married, and knowing that several others will do the same in the next year, drove home the point that things are changing in a very final way. This weekend may have been our last chance to be together as a circle of equals — as more people get married and start having families the dynamic of our circle will be distorted. While marriage and family are positive things, it’s a bit sad to know that a line is being crossed and that there won’t be any going back to the way things used to be.

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 11:40 pm, February 5th, 2003

Unfortunately no one is going to be able to read this journal entry for a while because I’m having site problems. At this point I’m rather frustrated with trying to run a Windows server, and am going to give Linux a try the next time I come home.

The Goob showed up in LA today, so I took a long lunch and roamed the studio lot with him. His desire to try and sneak onto the Friends set didn’t gel with my contractor status (which puts me slightly lower than a telemarketer on the org chart), but we did still manage to roam around in the Gilmore Girls set, saw a couple of TV stars, and got to ogle at Matthew Perry’s BMW. Perhaps at the end of my tenure with Warner Brothers, when I no longer have to worry about having security call my boss to find out why I “accidentally” ended up in the President’s chair of the West Wing set, it will be time for the Goob to visit again.

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 12:00 am, February 3rd, 2003

Today’s excitement included waking up at 8:00 AM to find Aaron standing on me, Skip’s impassioned sermon on demons (including one congregation member who responded in the affirmative to the rhetorical question “have any of you ever personally met someone who was possessed?”) and a magnitude 4.2 earthquake. But what prompted a journal entry at midnight was some thinking I was doing on the long drive back from the Bay Area to LA.

Interstate 5 from the Bay Area to LA is a tedious, mind-numbing route that passes through flat farmland for a couple hundred miles. This road inspires random thoughts, and tonight I was pondering why it is that I’ve practically become a social hermit in recent years as compared with my teenage and college days. The only answer that I came up with is that as I’m discovering what I love most about life I’m failing to find others who share these loves. As an example, I live for the feeling that fills me when watching the stars in the night sky in Death Valley, or the serenity that comes from standing alone on Half Dome in late fall. It’s exciting on the rare occasions when I meet other people that enjoy these types of activities, but even with these people, whom I would think a connection would exist, there always seems to be a disconnect — almost without fail their motivation is the adventure or physical challenge which the experience presents, and while I love a challenge, the adrenaline of the experience is secondary to the sense of awe, serenity, and most importantly of simply being alive that I’m seeking. There are perfect moments when life makes sense that only seem to occur out amongst the rocks and trees, and it is for these times that I go out exploring.

While I was still working for Accenture this feeling of being different from everyone around me was at times becoming almost overwhelming — I started wondering what exactly was wrong with me. It was in this state that I met a friend of a friend who voiced a feeling about life that echoed my own. For the first time in years I had the hope that I wasn’t isolated. Shortly thereafter, during my travels in Alaska, I began meeting person after person in whom I immediately recognized something. While roaming the North I had the unique experience of understanding people and being understood almost implicitly. I would arrive in small towns and be able to easily settle into conversation with the locals, or be on a trail and stop to talk to passing hikers, knowing that instead of lessening the serenity of the moment it would only enhance the experience. Granted, there were still those who I failed to find common ground with, but they tended to be in the minority.

These days, as I walk through the Warner Brothers studio lot or do a workout in the gym I’m careful to respect the anonymous-nature of city life. However, for once I’m doing so with the knowledge that even though I’m different from those around me, I’m not alone, and that life as a social hermit doesn’t have to last forever.

Concord, California

Posted at 12:15 am, February 2nd, 2003

During Christmas my brother’s “List of things that make me happy” (written when he was ten) put “my brother” fourth from last. Tonight he more than redeemed himself when he found a bunch of essays he’d written in high school, several of which were about “my brother”. My memories from age twelve to twenty are generally of me being brooding and antagonistic around my family, but Aaron apparently didn’t always see things that way. Lately I’ve come to realize how important family bonds are, and the Goob drives that point home every time I get to see him again.

Aaron and I decided to take New Faithful out for a trial run this afternoon, but after hitting only a few dozen balls we were ambushed by five little kids. It was great that they ran wild through the outfield collecting balls for us, but it’s a bit nerve-wracking when you have to watch out while pitching or swinging a bat to make sure that you don’t accidentally take out a seven-year-old. We escaped without killing any of them, and the evening was spent just hanging out with Aaron and Minor. As life is moving along I find that one of the things I miss more than anything else is the time spent laughing and reminiscing with friends, talking about whatever random memories occur to us. In high school and college friends would gather and stay up until all hours, but as people are getting married and starting families these occasions become more and more rare. Coming home now seems to be one of the few times when I can count on being able to get together with people without needing any plan or excuse and just enjoy the act of being together.

Burbank, California

Posted at 1:15 pm, January 31st, 2003

The story of a small town boy in the big city:

I’ve been busy this past week and haven’t made it onto the studio lot for lunch that much. Since I’m way ahead on my hours for the week I decided that today would be a good day to get out. While roaming through the lot on the way to lunch I was amazed at how many more security people were out. Then I noticed that there were several homeless people on the lot, and I figured that maybe there was some sort of special program going on, and that explained the security.

After getting my lunch I was coming back through the lot and realized that there were a number of blue-collar workers hanging about — several looked like steel workers. At this point I was completely baffled, especially after noticing that a lot of these folks were wearing heavy fleece jackets despite the eighty-five degree weather. A person of normal intelligence would have figured out what was going on by this point, but it wasn’t until I got back to the ER set and noticed that instead of Warner Brothers security the security folks were wearing Chicago PD uniforms that I finally put it all together. I like to believe that I’m reasonably intelligent, but I have a few gaps in the cranium that you could probably sail the Titanic through.

Los Angeles, California

Posted at 10:25 pm, January 27th, 2003

A few completely random notes:

  • People in LA don’t seem to realize the chaos that surrounds them each day. My friend’s fiance has lived here for most of her life, but has never noticed that there is never a traffic report that doesn’t include at least one car in flames somewhere. People will rubber-neck for minor fender-benders in the Bay Area, but on the LA freeways I’ve passed two cars with twenty-foot flames shooting out of them with hardly any slowing of traffic.
  • While looking for dinner the other day I saw some Chunky soup on a shelf and my immediate thought was “that would taste good”. After Alaska I would have bet a lot of money that I would never think such a thing ever again.
  • The “snow” on the ER set was completely gone today. Four days ago there were huge drifts on the studio lot, today it was back to normal. It’s freaky.
  • The Goob graduated from the fire academy on Friday and was greeted by $35 billion in state budget cuts. The odds of finding a firefighting job make lottery tickets look like sound investments.
  • Jason used the words “haggis” and “yummy” in the same sentence. Either he has not yet actually eaten haggis or else he needs to become a contestant on Fear Factor as soon as possible.

Jumbo Rocks, Joshua Tree National Park, California

Posted at 7:15 pm, January 25th, 2003

I needed to get away from the city, and while Death Valley would have been nice the twelve-hour roundtrip wasn’t terribly appealing. The secondary option was Joshua Tree National Park, which is also a nice place and one that requires about half as much driving. After arriving late in the day I was able to enjoy the beginnings of dusk before setting off on my daily run. Six miles along a dirt road turned out to be amazingly tough when I realized that for the first half of the run I’d been on a gradual downhill with a tremendous wind at my back. The return trip was definitely not an enjoyable experience. Despite the difficulty of pushing uphill through wind it was nice not to have to run on a treadmill, and in addition to the scenery I also briefly enjoyed the company of two coyotes.

After I finished running it was fairly dark, and I was immediately reminded why I love to come to the desert to relax — the silhouettes of the joshua trees stood out crisply against the millions of stars that filled the sky. Palm Springs to the south is keeping the night from being perfectly clear, but I can still pick out every constellation that my dad ever taught me during our childhood camping trips in Maine. It’s no wonder that ancient people picked out patterns in the night sky — with stars this vivid it’s impossible not to let your imagination begin drawing lines from point to point. The desert’s other surprise was a bobcat that crossed the road in front of me while I was looking for a camping spot — first time I’ve ever seen one in the wild.