Ryan's Journal

One of my brother’s high school classmates has apparently earned his fifteen minutes of fame due to his desire to mock academic groups that accept papers too easily. Jeremy Stribling and two friends wrote a computer program to generate a paper consisting of semi-random gibberish and got it accepted to a conference. Story from CNN.

My already limited mental capacity was further diminished due to tiredness last night, so here’s another take on yesterday. The Valley of the Gods was a scenic spot, although the name may have been a bit overdramatic; compared to the Grand Canyon or Monument Valley, a place named the Valley of the Gods has a lot to live up to.

The end of the road through the valley eventually led me to Natural Bridges National Monument, which unsurprisingly was the home of three really impressive natural bridges. I opted to see the bridges from the eight mile hike through the canyons, and whether due to the sun, the sandy terrain, or whatever, the hike kicked my butt. Very worthwhile, but seldom has a person ever been so glad to sit on his ass as I was after getting back to the Subaru.

Towards dinner time I passed through the first decent-sized town that I’ve seen in a while, and thought a Subway sandwich sounded like a good dinner option. HUGE mistake. I should have been warned when it took a few minutes to prepare to make my sandwich (plastic gloves are tricky little things, ya know), but cash register operation was another matter entirely.

“Do you want a combo?”

“Sure.”

“OK, your total is $7.21.”

My first mistake: “Um, it says on the menu that the combo costs $5.89.”

“Yes, and then plus drink and chips, the total is $7.21.” (Note to self: in the future, run away when presented with logic like this)

“But doesn’t the combo include drink and chips? Otherwise why would I want the combo?”

“Yes, I added drink and chips, so the total is $7.21.”

My second mistake: “OK, actually could I just get the sandwich then? No combo?”

After tons of deliberation over how to change an order: “OK, that’s $5.21.”

My third mistake: I hand her $20.21.

After more deliberation that required calling a co-worker: “I think I messed up, and now I don’t know how much change to give.”

(Incredulously) “I’m pretty sure the change is $15.00.”

Many moons later, sandwich in hand, I ran away as fast as my little legs would carry me.

So tired… this morning I woke up in the Valley of the Gods, made a stop in Natural Bridges National Monument, melted portions of my brain in the sun while hiking several miles, survived a debacle while getting dinner at Subway, attempted to re-establish contact with the outside world, and then spent an inordinately long time looking for a spot where I could park for the evening without being bothered. I’ll elaborate later, but at the moment my left eye is already shut, and my right eye is campaigning loudly to be allowed to join its brethren.

A whiteout this morning thwarted plans of hiking in Navajo National Monument, and intermittent squalls throughout the rest of the day pretty much curtailed all activity. At present I’m parked for the evening behind a group of empty souvenir stands (“Stop here! Friendly Indians!”) on an overlook that should provide a very memorable sunrise if the Monument Valley weather cooperates.

As punishment for staying in a hotel last night the travel gods filled the next room with guys who felt the need to share their love of bad music with the other hotel guests until nearly midnight, and then repeat the stunt at 6:00 this morning. Luckily the joys of being able to shower offset this annoyance, making bloodshed unnecessary. Once on the road this morning the plan was to head northeast towards Mesa Verde, but a picture on the wall of a Jiffy Lube diverted me to the west and towards Monument Valley. One change of destination was apparently not enough, and somehow I finished the day in Navajo National Monument. The latest plan is to head to Monument Valley for sunset tomorrow, but at this point it’s anyone’s guess as to where I actually end up.

After some early morning hiking across the lava flows and a trip into town to pick up fresh batteries I returned to Junction Cave to do some exploring. The cave isn’t particularly long, but it was tough going and took nearly two hours for the round-trip. To reach the end of the cave required squirming through a tunnel less than three feet high that was so damp that my breath caused the air to begin filling with fog. On the return trip I stopped, shut off my flashlight, and sat down to experience the complete lack of light and see what tricks my mind might play on me. After a few minutes I started seeing really bright flashes that would pulse in and out, but after about five minutes of enjoying this trippy display I finally realized my brain was fine and that someone else was in the cave and I was seeing reflected light from their flashlight.

A late afternoon visit to El Morro National Monument completed the day. That park was created to preserve what is basically four hundred years worth of graffiti on the sandstone cliffs, but the hike to the top of the cliffs was more to my liking. I’ve committed the sin of getting a hotel room for the night, and can only justify the decision by stating that a shower makes the breach of road trip protocol so very worthwhile.

New Mexico’s Finest refrained from pressing vagrancy charges last night, so it was sweet dreams until the sun came up. El Malpais (“Badlands”) National Monument was a short distance from my sleeping spot, and I arrived fairly early. The park sits in the midst of several ancient volcanic cones and lava flows and has an extensive network of caves created from lava tubes, the largest of which is supposedly seventeen miles long. Hiking through one of these tubes was a dicey affair as the floor of the cave was covered with boulders and difficult to navigate, and the batteries of my tiny flashlight were fading fast. Sadly, just as it was becoming dark enough that I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face common sense prevailed and I turned around; a return trip tomorrow, with fresh batteries, is likely.

Most of the afternoon was spent in the east side of the park taking photos. In the midst of my Ansel Adams impersonations I ran into two guys standing on a cliff’s edge, with one guy educating his friend on everything from lava formations to tsunamis to photographic equipment. What made this conversation interesting was that the guy spoke with utter conviction, but was wrong on nearly every subject. From a lava flow’s ability to mummify people (rock and metal are toast in the face of a lava flow, but apparently organic tissue is special) to the fact that one hundred years ago all cameras took three hours to snap a photo (imagine portrait photographers: “now hold really still”) the entertainment value of this conversation made it hugely difficult not to eavesdrop. The only downside of the encounter was the fact that his poor friend will no doubt be passing along a newfound wealth of misinformation.

Yesterday’s winds topped out between sixty and seventy miles per hour, so it wasn’t such a bad idea to spend most of it inside of the car reading. With the weather calmer today the camera and I roamed about Petrified Forest National Park from sunrise until sunset, during which time the scalp was quite cooked in the desert sun. After leaving the park I crossed into New Mexico, and have spent the last hour trying to find a place to sleep — the need for a shower and the fact that the dome has gone from being bald and badass to fuzzy and not nearly so badass was almost enough of an excuse to pay for a hotel, but the call of the road prevailed and I’m instead parked alongside a highway onramp; trucks park on these things all the time, so hopefully the New Mexico Highway Patrol won’t feel the need to interrupt my slumber.

Insane winds were blowing so strongly that I felt the need to always set the emergency brake when parking today, and any attempts at hiking became survival exercises due to the dust and sand whipping in the winds. As a result the day was mostly a non-event, and the Subaru is spending the night next to the park gate with the hope that things will calm tomorrow and allow some exploring.

As is the norm there was much eating while visiting Caitlin, and in between meals we also squeezed in a showing of Sin City, which was a completely watchable flick. I think I’m now headed up towards Petrified Forest National Park, although I tend to get easily sidetracked so the next stop could just as easily be in Manitoba or Delaware. On a side note, with no moon the stargazing from these mountains is awesome.